By April Clay
Question:
I often end up frustrated after finishing with my rounds. I am always left wanting to have done better, but not knowing how. I feel like I am meeting none of the goals I have set for myself.
As you can imagine, this feels awful! Even worse, some people around me tell me my attitude is not that good. They say I tend to look grouchy a lot, and don’t smile very much. I am afraid they are probably right, but try as I may I cannot seem to feel good about the results I am getting. Can you help?
Answer:
There are actually a lot of riders out there that will share in your pain. We all want to do well, and when our experience is one of being stuck in a repeating pattern, nothing is more frustrating.
I believe that there are two things everyone has a right to in their sport participation: enjoyment and a sense of progress. Otherwise, why do it?
The first thing you might want to look at changing is how you set up your goals. These “destinations” will determine how effective you feel as a rider. So, if there are ways in which your goals are unreasonable, you will be setting yourself up for failure again and again.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to set lower goals for yourself so you can sail through and forever pat yourself on the back. It does mean that you should redefine your goals.
I get the distinct feeling that many of your goals are what are called “outcome” goals (win or lose). These kinds of goals are associated with higher stress levels, especially when they are the only type of goals used.
Consider this question: just how much control do you have over winning? In reality, you have only a certain percentage. There will always be elements that are out of your control like judging, your horse’s health, and ring conditions just to name a few.
So if you only set these kinds of goals, what happens is that you inadvertently end up taking responsibility for things that you could not change. The result is, you guessed it, you feel bad and your sport esteem suffers.
Instead, switch to setting “process” goals for yourself. These are goals based on personal performance targets or skills. Choosing to focus on improving your upper body alignment is one example, as is improving the snap on your roll back. Both of these goals focus on skill development.
You can easily control the progress of such targets, as well as measure them. They put you in the driver’s seat and, of course, you get to take all the credit – leading to you feeling successful and more confident in your abilities.
Lastly, you should be able to reduce your longer-term goals into short term, and keep breaking these down until you arrive at some daily goals for training. Now you have a very clear map of where you are going, and more importantly it’s doable and clear.
When you do complete a competition, instead of dwelling on your mistakes and the disappointment for hours on end, decide that you will develop a system for your review. Look at what you did like and what you didn’t.
Of the latter category, take a look and see what was in your control and what wasn’t. If something happened that wasn’t in your control, don’t bemoan it, put it in the trash and move on.
What you have left is the information that you can take into your next ride. This would be how close you came to your goal and what you might do differently the next time.
I think if you apply and work at these two skills, your riding pleasure will increase and your confidence will rise – and don’t be too surprised if you start smiling more!
Chartered psychologist April Clay is a former A Circuit rider and a member of the Canadian Mental Training Registry. She performs seminars and consultations in equine sports psychology including: Individuals or groups, On the ground or mounted, and Email consultations. The perfect topic for your next association meeting! To find out more, call (403) 714-2529, email: april@bodymindmotion.com or visit www.bodymindmotion.com.
