By April Clay
Question:
My coach tells me I have problems controlling my emotions. She says I get too upset and then everything falls apart.
I would like to learn to be tougher and not let my feelings get the better of me. I especially get upset when I make mistakes and get really hard on myself.
Is it possible to learn to cope differently?
Answer:
John Lyons once commented: “There are only two emotions that belong on the saddle; one is a sense of humour and the other is patience.”
Strong emotions are a part of life and part of competition. But John is right: many of those emotions do not belong in the saddle any more than they belong in any productive conversation.
Since it is impossible to render ourselves emotionless, riders need to develop good “emotional muscle.” And yes, it is a very learnable skill with some practice.
What you want to do is train yourself to be in charge of your emotions instead of being ruled by them. One way to do this is to choose to “respond instead of react” to your feelings.
Get the message that your feeling wants you to acknowledge, for example, “I am frustrated because I keep making mistakes.” Then, instead of just reacting (pulling on your horse’s mouth), stop and ask yourself what you need to do about this message.
In other words, experience the emotion, but don’t let it dictate your ride. You dictate your ride. In this way, feelings become important information instead of destructive sensations.
At other times, you may need to employ a little acting to change your emotional energy. Back in high school drama class, they taught you to “create” an emotional state out of nothing.
Sometimes, this is exactly what you need to do in and out of the ring. Especially in the thick of competition, you may have to “park” how you feel because it will be harmful to your performance. Then you have to “put on” what in other sports is commonly called your “game face”. (You may want to rename this your “ring face” or the “take charge” part of yourself).
This means taking on the physical posture, attitude, and emotional current of a rider who can cope with the toughest of challenges.
You all know the rider who wears every mistake on their face and on their body. Their shoulders slump, and expression changes to depression and defeat. You almost expect the next part of their ride to continue according to this sad tale, and usually it does.
Contrast this with the rider who snaps back to form whenever something goes awry. This rider “acts as if” good things will happen even if they may be doubting on the inside.
The good news is that you can train yourself to be a better emotional responder.
The next time you feel discouraged after a loss, frustrated by the weather, or tempted to give up after a mistake, practice turning it around. You will eventually be rewarded with more emotional toughness.
Chartered psychologist April Clay is a former A Circuit rider and a member of the Canadian Mental Training Registry. She performs seminars and consultations in equine sports psychology including Individuals or groups, On the ground or mounted, Email consultations. The perfect topic for your next association meeting! To find out more, call (403) 714-2529, email: april@bodymindmotion.com or visit www.bodymindmotion.com
