By: April Clay
Question:
My trainer says I lack good self-esteem and my riding suffers because of it. I think I like myself okay, but how can I improve on this aspect?
Answer:
Good self-esteem. What does this mean? One definition is, “A grounding in knowing who you are and believing in what you can do.” It also means having a good opinion of yourself and your capabilities.
What it does not mean is that you sit on your tack box before an event and repeat “I think I can, I think I can,” to yourself.
Well, you can if you want, but my experience has been that “belief” is something that needs to be earned. Our minds are like well-educated critics; they will not accept something is true until there is ample evidence to support the belief.
You should begin by determining what kind of confidence you want to build. Do you need more confidence in your technical riding skills, your competition skills, your communication skills, or in the ability of your horse? Be specific and target what it is that you want.
To build belief in yourself, you need to “do” in order to “get.” Confidence is not something you wait to feel. You might very well feel quite scared and uncertain the first time you jump a 4 ft course.
You might shake very noticeably in your boots before your first medal class, but over time these things will not make you flinch – something else will.
So don’t wait to feel comfortable before you do – it will never happen. Do the things that stretch you somewhat beyond your comfort zone. Then rest. Then repeat. This is how you will attain a good solid base of confidence in yourself as a rider.
To raise your riding esteem, you might want to also consider giving up on the notion of perfection. One of the greatest thieves of sport self-esteem is the habit of clinging stubbornly to the idea of perfection.
Some riders believe that if they are not reaching for perfection, their goals are not high enough. The truth is that perfection is not a high goal; it is an impossible one.
To illustrate this point, I often will ask people in my office to demonstrate what perfection is. I say, “Let’s imagine we are at the World Chair Sitting Championships. Everything hinges on you being able to sit perfectly. How are you going to do that?” They inevitably look at me like I’ve lost my mind, but we always have a good discussion after this.
There is no sitting perfect, there is sitting well, and this can mean many different things. Similarly, there is no perfect performance.
Each performance that you give will be different, just by virtue of the variables involved. You cannot control everything, so don’t even try. Aim for excellence in your skills and learning to trust your instincts. This, you can control.
Lastly, don’t forget that upkeep is absolutely essential. Once you secure any kind of confidence, don’t think your work is done. Your confidence will require monitoring, and this is where your mental skills come into play.
Are you setting reasonable, yet challenging, goals? Are you utilizing your visualization skills to remind yourself of your capability? Are you being responsible with the words that you use to guide yourself?
Riding confidence should not be thought of as something that you get, but something that you care for … forever.
Chartered psychologist April Clay is a former A Circuit rider and a member of the Canadian Mental Training Registry. She performs seminars and consultations in equine sports psychology including: Individuals or groups, On the ground or mounted, Email consultations. The perfect topic for your next association meeting! To find out more, call (403) 714-2529, email: april@bodymindmotion.com or visit www.bodymindmotion.com.
