by Kathryn Kincannon
Dear Alpha Mare:
Over the past couple of months, I have noticed my Paint/Arab mare has gone from keeping her head in the corner with her hind end facing the stall door to pinning her ears, swishing her tail and sometimes twirling her head when I approach her.
I was worried that she might be in pain of some sort, so I had the veterinarian and chiropractor both out to check her. They each gave her a clean bill of health. After reading a couple of your columns, I am now beginning to think it might be me. What do you think?
Willing to Change in Red Deer
Dear “Willing”:
That you are willing to look at yourself as potentially causing your mare’s “symptoms” is more important than the issues themselves – and lets me know your relationship stands a chance.
Also, your question opens a huge Pandora’s box on many levels (mare-to-mare, female-to-female) providing a golden opportunity for many women to clear any counter-productive air, and offering a fresh start to this New Year ahead.
(For readers, please know that there are indeed many real physical illnesses and/or injuries that will lead a horse to feel as shut down, snarly, and bad-tempered as this mare, but since these have been ruled out, we will focus on the interplay between the mare and her owner to resolve this escalating situation.)
First, Willing, your mare’s body language is clearly telling you that she has been feeling both standoffish and pouty, and it has increased now to irritated, and mad as well. If you could put yourself in her hooves for a moment, here is where a highly sensitive and expressive mare (much like you and I) is “coming from”:
“I know you mean well and all, but now that it’s winter and I’m cooped up in a small stall most of the time, I have to tell you that your bedside manner in my “house” leaves a lot to be desired.
“You seem to have no regard for the fact that there’s hardly room to move around in here on my own, much less with you darting around me like the ‘Energizer Bunny.’ I tried the high road of an indirect approach rather than confrontation - dropping subtle hints that you could use some equine dance lessons to show you how to establish respect for personal boundaries – both yours and mine – by the way you move around me, keeping your core ‘on’ around my body but ‘off’ around my head.
“But to my amazement, you blithely ignored them all, and instead brought in a whole host of highly equine-illiterate two-leggeds to poke and prod me and move my limbs around without so much as a howdy-do! How rude and humiliating!
“So, though I can suffer with the best of females, enough is enough. First you saw ‘Martyr,’ now you’ll get ‘Witch.’ Like the movie said, ‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore’!”
To make matters worse, rather than look at ourselves and our own body language as the possible (and probable) “cause” of such a horse’s behaviour, we women have an instinct to nurture and coddle, cluck and preen, sigh and worry, and desperately seek a health reason for whatever is wrong with our horses.
I cannot tell you the number of times an owner of a “problem” horse has told me all the experts she has spoken to and cures she has tried to fix her horse: Rescue Remedy, Bach flowers, herbal supplements, chiropractic, massage, blood work, hock injections, changing the diet, changing the bit, changing the saddle, etc. etc.
Don’t get me wrong. When warranted, these are all wonderful accessories to good health and well-being. But such external options should be considered only after we’ve determined that we are not contributing to a sense of confusion, anxiety, fear, and anger about the dog-eat-dog world our horses know they live in.
Stalls are undeniably claustrophobic to a horse. For an animal born to run the open range, a 12 x 12 square box doesn’t hold much appeal. Therefore, a horse can see its stall in one of two ways: as a safe haven, or a cage to pace.
If your horse exhibits any number of “stall vices” such as stall walking, weaving, cribbing, or gnashing of teeth, then you’ve got a captive beast that views their box stall as a prison cell. If they sigh and exhale and yawn and lie down and sleep in their box stall, it’s a sanctuary.
In order to encourage the latter, there are ways to approach your horse in a stall that will allow it to feel respected rather than jailed.
Here are six simple rules:
1. Approach your horse’s stall door from the side rather than straight on.
2. Stay out of your horse’s face, especially in the cramped quarters of a stall.
3. Move slowly and gracefully around your horse in a stall with no quick, erratic movements. Be the Zen-like calm you are looking for in your horse.
4. You move your horse; your horse doesn’t move you. Don’t squeeze around it to come in, tack, and groom. Instead, move its body so you can comfortably do your work.
5. Safety first. Don’t go into a stall with a distressed or upset horse.
6. Don’t try and resolve behavioural issues in a stall. If your horse “acts up” it is doubly important that you stay calm. If you get scared, get out.
As a woman, “Willing,” I’m sure you can appreciate just how far this mare feels she has been pushed without any acknowledgment for the high level of tolerance and forgiveness she has shown.
When you change your approach to her, you will be amazed at how she changes for the better for you.
To paraphrase a popular fable, she is a princess, and she is feeling a million peas underneath her mattress, which are causing her great discomfort.
If you can remove the peas and grant her a restful night’s sleep, she will be forever in your debt and will prove out a mare’s classic reputation: Her heart’s not easily won; but if you win it, it will be yours forever.
Kathryn travels extensively with her husband, Chris Irwin, as a trainer and coach conducting clinics and “Train the Trainer” sessions throughout North America. They are currently developing Riversong Ranch Equestrian Retreat on the shores of the McLeod River just west of Edmonton.
If you have a question that you’d like Kathryn to answer in a future column, please email her at alphamare@telus.net
